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Posts Tagged ‘reproductive rights’


How many times have you heard a guy say this: “Women like you better when you treat them like shit.” Or: “I never get the girls I like because I’m too nice.” Or: “I’m a functioning alcoholic, and a complete asshole. Let’s date?” Okay, maybe that last one isn’t so popular (outside of my world, at least) but really, now, I’m sure all of us have heard the first two from multiple sources, usually men fresh from a break-up or another form of rejection. Really, it’s surprising that, being as gung-ho about gender equality as I am, that I’ve known so many men so eager to explain this rational to me.

The fact that many men categorize themselves/their behaviors toward dating women, unconsciously or not, as being “bad boys” or “nice guys” speaks less to the idea that women actively seek out men of either types and more to how society views women. “Bad boys” treat women like shit because they’re either to subdued or too stupid to know any better, while “nice guys” treat women well and get dumped because women are sex-starved bitches who do better when they’re treated like objects or children. Never does it cross their minds that they may not be treating their partner with respect. To avoid making sweeping generalizations as much as possible (since, after all, it’s these types of generalizations about women that really piss me off), it seems like, all too often, these guys are one in the same. These men never recognize or admit to their own flaws when it comes to dating; when a woman leaves, it’s always because “all women are whores,” “all women are bitches,” etc etc etc, instead of “maybe she has her reasons.” It’s always the “nice guys” claiming that women get turned on by being treated disrespectfully. Turns out they’re not really “nice guys” at all.

Now, again, this is with avoiding generalizations. As WhatEmbersConsume, a self-proclaimed “former Nice Guy,” points out, there are key differences between “nice guys” and “nice people.” A “nice person” will genuinely care about you, but also respect your boundaries and limits, and take responsibility for their faults and actions. On the flip side, here’s a few tell-tale signs that you’re dealing with a “Nice Guy:”

  • Often clingly.  May ask you far too frequently where you are, who you are with, what you are doing, etc. out of a supposed regard for your safety.  In reality, the Nice Guy™ wants to know where you are because he wants to keep tabs on you, like any other one of his possessions.
  • Easily prone to jealousy.  Doesn’t like you hanging around other people of your preferred gender and age group (or even your friends outside of your preferred gender).  This is because he is afraid of loosing you.
  • Will likely be upset when you try to put up healthy boundaries when it comes to personal time, space, etc.
  • Will often want to get involved with your family/friends as soon as possible if you have a good relationship with them.  This is because he thinks – subconsciously or not – that if he forges relationships with those close with you it will be harder for you to break things off.  The same goes for the reverse of this: he will likely want you to meet his friends and family for the same reason.
  • Will often talk about how important you are to him, how he couldn’t live without you, etc. especially as things get more serious.  He either really believes this, in which case it is because he has become dependent on the ideal of you; or is deliberately using it to manipulate you emotionally.
  • Will affirm you/praise you for your physical characteristics and accomplishments.  This is because these are the only things he cares about: things that others will notice and things that he can take advantage of.
  • Easily put off by arguments; not inclined to initiate serious conversations.  This is because he views differences between you two as freedom from him he does not want you to have.
  • Is not willing for you two to be anything less than he wants you to be.  If you maintain your boundaries, he will hightail it out of your life or seek revenge.
  • Will try to make you feel special.
  • Will never admit to making mistakes unless you threaten him with something.  He is always right, and even if your threats get him to concede that with words he will maintain that he was right in his own mind.

Looking over this list really startled me, because not only did it remind me of dating patterns I’ve witnessed, but also those my friends and I have experienced first hand–more than once.  And, what’s even scarier, is this lists’ similarity to that of an abusive relationship.  In fact, many abusive relationships–physically, emotionally, verbally, or otherwise–start off in the realm of the self-proclaimed Nice Guy and get that much more extreme as possessiveness worsens. The fact that so many men self-identify as “nice guys” is quite startling–even the OP recognized this trend in his dating choices (although he claims to be reformed now–we shall see).

So what’s the fucking deal? Why do so many men equate possessive behavior to genuinely caring? And why do so many guys think that they can’t get a date because they’re “too nice” when really they completely fail at seeing a woman as a human person with autonomous feelings and decision making capabilities?

It makes me really sad, to be honest. Some of these guys have serious issues.  This type of misogyny can often be a product or a side effect of other problems such as alcoholism, poor self-esteem, post traumatic stress disorder, or other serious mental/emotional limitations. Really, who’s to blame? The guy who thinks he’s supposed to treat women like shit, or the culture that says if he doesn’t manipulate her into submission, he’s not masculine enough?

Either way, it’s not an issue to brush over, and what’s most important is who this outlook affects the most—women.  Ladies, how many times have guys tried to guilt into dates, sex, or staying in a relationship, just because someone was “nice” to you? Probably a lot. Probably all the time. And chances are, when you reject these guys, it’s probably not pretty. He probably gets mad. He might use misogynistic language to describe you, like “bitch,” “cunt,” or “whore,” whether it’s to your face or behind your back. And a lot of times, he probably won’t back down after the first rejection.

What’s most important is to remember that you have control over your body and decisions first—no one else. I know a lot of times it doesn’t feel that way, but we must keep reminding ourselves. By owning ourselves first, before any ideas or cultural standards, we are taking a giant step against oppression every day. Don’t let anyone tell you whether or not they’re a “nice guy”—leave that to your own judgement calls.

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Today a video from BuzzFeed.com, “How To Confuse Pro-Lifers With Just One Question,” has been just about all over my facebook feed. The video shows a cameraman interviewing folks at a pro-life protest and their responses to the question, “If abortion should be illegal, what should be the punishment for women who have illegal abortions?” I thought this video offered a fresh new prospective on the abortion debate. The intention of the protestors becomes suddenly illuminated: they want to end the practice of abortion, but can’t say how the crime should be punished. Most reply that they’d never thought of it, others say that God will provide punishment in the end, but none suggest any method of prosecuting offenders.

The video points out a fundamental flaw in how pro-lifers perceive pro-choicers as not being sympathetic to the unborn child, while on the flip side, it becomes clear that most pro-lifers don’t think of women as worthless sluts. In fact, pro-lifers and pro-choicers share a common goal: both sides want to prevent the situation of unwanted pregnancy. The difference is an arbitrary sense of morals. Pro-choicers don’t necessarily view abortion as a moral issue; most know the difference between “human life” and “sustainable life.” Meanwhile, many pro-lifers are attached to the idea that human life is valuable no matter what, and therefore abortions should be restricted under the law as a form of condemnation. Not that there isn’t already a whole lot of cultural forces that condemn abortion, from religion to pop-culture phenomena.

What pro-lifers blindly ignore is the fact that death, and the practice of humane killing, is just as much a part of the continuation of life as having sex out of wedlock. Living wills allow people to consent to be “aborted” should they fall into a vegetative state. We put animals to sleep 9 million times per year–some because they are old or sick, most because there’s no one to take care of them. I really don’t see anyone celebrating with champagne over these statistics (well, maybe a fucked up few), but if we didn’t “abort” unsustainable lives, everyone would suffer. Abortion is similar, but for some reason, pro-lifers are far more judgmental of women experiencing unwanted pregnancies than the drunk driver that put your grandpa in a vegetive state–yet it’s easier to name a punishment for those convicted of DUI’s than those who undergo illegal abortions. Hmm, how’d that happen?

Maybe there should be less people protesting whether or not abortion is legal and more people trying to offer support to women with unwanted pregnancies through education, financial aide, and improving accessibility to birth control. It’d be nice to live in a world where we only needed the assurance of being able to get an abortion when and if we needed one.

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For those of you who don’t think it’s important to include health insurance coverage of abortion in health care reform, maybe hearing Tiffany’s Story will make you reconsider:

She was pregnant with twins and had to abort one to save the other. If abortion coverage isn’t included in reform, it’s likely she wouldn’t have been able to afford the procedure, and would have lost both her children.

Although cases like Tiffany’s are rare, I still think it’s important for health reform to include abortion coverage, if not because it would otherwise screw over willing mothers, because restricting fair access to abortion violates Roe vs. Wade and a woman’s right to choose.

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It pretty much goes without saying that the media has been an integral manipulative tool to politics in the 21st century. Our president frequently exploits the talk show circuit, appearing next to celebrity powers such as Oprah and Jay Leno. Meanwhile, the story of another drunk driving pro-prop 8 republican getting arrested on his way home from the gay bar gets the more exposure on Perez Hilton’s celebrity gossip blog than on CNN. Somewhere, in the midst of all this, is Sarah Palin, doing a stand-up routine on Jay Leno. While she appeared to get knock-out laughs from the audience for defacing jokes such as “When I saw the giant moose [at the Winter Olympic closing cermonies], I thought ‘boy, I forgot to make the kids dinner,’” the live audio was apparently compromised, laugh tracks being added later. Michael Stinson, a former sound engineer, was there and witnessed the actual live show:

“They added laughter where there was none during uncomfortable portions. Well, there was some laughter. Mine, of derision. … The real heroes of the night were Shaun White and Adam Lambert – the audience was delighted, all of it, and blew the roof off the place when they were mentioned and appeared. Meanwhile, Leno’s show used the ambience to give Palin Cover. They sold her. Her book, her body, her celebrity, her future, all of it. And 70% of an audience weren’t buying it, but you can’t tell from the broadcast. I know. I was there.”

Some of you may be wondering how it’s possible for such drastic modifications to be made to a live broadcast when there were hundreds of members of the audience and crew who witnessed the actual event. Others might not be so surprised knowing that The Tonight Show is a product of NBC, where the network executives know how much a bad stint on late night can make their conservative sponsors pull out stock. And then, there’s Sarah Palin, truly an anomaly to American politics – as she should be, since she was John McCain’s desperate attempt at trumping the smooth, culturally embedded image of Barak Obama. Today, Palin stands as just that—she’s like that awful outfit your grandpa thinks is hip and fitting for a young woman. No one is really buying it anymore, but those who have put all their faith in this being the next “in” thing are not willing to back down before 2012. Republicans are doing everything they can to sell her, hoping she’ll look good if they just put her on the same line-up as actually accomplished people.

It seems like every time I hear about Sarah Palin doing some new stint on TV, I ask myself, “Why doesn’t she just go away?” People don’t like her, they don’t find her funny or charming. Sarah Palin? That’s so 2008. The reason she doesn’t stay in the past and just retire to her moose lodge with her oil-loving husband and her baby’s baby is that the Republicans have invested too much money in her to just put her back on a shelf—from August to October in 2008, the RNC spent more than $150,000 on just her outfits. You can just imagine the price tag on making a virtually unknown politician from Alaska the face of your political campaign in addition to the costs of making her look like the product of flawless beauty (as is the only way women can hope to scathe by when they’re in the lime light), and the Republicans are still waiting for a pay-off.

So, for those in television, that means there’s a face-off between the few and the many—the few conservatives that are willing to pay for as much control of the media as they can afford, and the many in the audiences all across America who would forget Sarah Palin ever existed if TV shows would just stop reminding them. And then there’s those who work in television, on the sets or behind the scenes, who really don’t get much of a say in what happens—until you get a team of writers and producers willing to attack a politician head-on. In Palin’s case, the face of this satirical attack was Tina Fey.

At first, Palin’s resemblance to Tina Fey was seen as a good thing by Republicans. When first selected as Republican VP candidate, people were eager to point out how much she had in common with the 30 Rock star—I remember the phrase “Tina Fey glasses” being used to describe her eyewear fairly often. It was as if they had hoped Palin would come to share Fey’s relationship with the younger crowd. However, it was only a matter of days before the next SNL episode came out and Fey’s spot-on Palin impression—from the former beauty queen wink to the almost verbatim Couric interview parody—came to define the former governor’s public image. Before Fey’s portrayal, much criticism of Palin from the left was dismissed by right-wing media as “sexist,” although they had made many of the same comments about runner-up Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton. It seemed Palin was gaining popularity among conservative female voters rather quickly while feminists pulled their hair out in frustration.

The fact that Fey was able to satirize Palin so adequately and receive such raving reviews, as well as make that significant first blow to Palin’s since-then doomed public relationship, is a sign of a unique point in our history. On the one hand, Republicans think America is stupid enough to support a woman candidate just because she’s cute—and, unfortunately, many Americans are that fucking stupid. On the other hand, Tina Fey is able to penetrate audiences as both a woman comedian and open feminist, as well as achieve status as celebrity icon—this is something female comedians have often be marginalized or persecuted for in the past. In addition, she has gained a massive audience for the long running SNL, which allowed her to make a funny, yet poignant, wake-up call to many of those left undecided on who to vote for in the election. And, lo and behold, the Republicans lost big in 2008.

But, in the long run, sexism wasn’t defeated, I hear more about Barak Obama’s celebrity guest appearances than about the future with Afghanistan, and Sarah Palin is doing bad stand-up on compromised “live” recordings. After all, NBC aired the SNL sketches that put the nail in Palin’s coffin less than two years before giving her a comedy debut. The world isn’t really a better place because of any of this. And, certainly, female politicians are not seen as anymore legitimate because of this parade. I wonder how much longer it will be before women who want to be in office isn’t so quickly turned into the butt of a joke. But, as long as there are women like Sarah Palin so willing to get on her knees and suck the dick of capitalism over and over again on television, I can only dream of a future where feminists make all the jokes.

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Update 2/6/14: COMMENTS ARE CLOSED. No new comments will be posted. I’ve disabled comments on all posts because this blog is inactive. I urge everyone with medical questions to consult a medical professional if they are able to. If you are not able to ask a medical professional in your country, there are some professionals available here.

When most people think of the abortion debate, they forget that it’s an issue that’s been on the table for as long as human history, not just since Roe vs. Wade. Before abortion became legal and safe surgical procedures came into common practice, women used many home methods of inducing abortion. Most of these amateur methods were dangerous. However, there is a way to herbally induce abortion that has been used since Ancient times. The herbal method of abortion is not as safe as approved medical procedures; however, it is important that this method is propagated to those who are not able to access medical/surgical abortions are aware that there is a way that is considerably less dangerous than the well-known wire hanger method. I originally found this method on Angry for a Reason, and although I can’t attest to its effectiveness from personal experience, many others can. Here’s how to do it:

I have used this to positive results 3 times. Given the lack of access to bc and abortion in much of the US I would like to share this with all of you. Copy it, pass it around, send it to your friends. It is cheap and accessible to all. Obviously if there are any health problems or adverse side effects contact a doctor. My friends and I have used this with very little complications, but I just want to put that disclaimer out there as all bodies are different and yours may react differently then ours. Feel free to ask a natropath/herbalist/physician/gynaecologist.

It can only be used up to 3 weeks after a missed period, but the sooner the better. I’ve done it within the first week of missing my period and it’s always brought it back for me. The best time to start it is on the 1st or second day of the missed period.

You will need:
Fresh parsley (preferably organic…I don’t want pesticides in my vagina, so I go organic)
500 mg pills/capsules of Vitamin C (Try not to get pills with Bioflavonoids such as Rose Hips. These PREVENT miscarriage.)

The treatment can last 3 days: DO NOT EXCEED 3 DAYS!! This will work or not within 2/3 days.

1. Insert a fresh sprig of parsley as far as possible into the vagina. (parsley induces contractions, yum) Change every 12 hours. When soft, it may be difficult to remove, but this is not dangerous.

2. At the same time, drink parsley infusions. 2 to 6 tablespoons 4 times a day.

Making an infusion: use 2 1/2 cups of boiling water for every ounce of parsley (If you buy it at the store, minus 2/3 stems (for sprigs) this should be the amount of water used to make the tincture). Add parsley to boiling water, remove from heat and cover. Very important that you remove from heat IMMEDIATELY upon adding the parsley. Boiling the water with the parsley in there will make the infusion less effective. Let it steep for at least 20 minutes (the longer it steeps, the more potent it will be. I usually let it steep for 2 hours.

3. During the 3 days (or until your period starts) take high doses of Vitamin C orally. Ideally, take 500 mg every hour up to 6000 mg. You can continue using the Vitamin C for up to 6 days. Vitamin C can bring on menstruation even 3 weeks after a “late” period. you can begin taking Vitamin C immediately after unsafe sex, or if the condom broke, etc.

If successful you should start to bleed in 2 to 3 days.
Notes:
-You may have cramps (I get ’em bad after doing this) and you can take whatever you usually take for cramps or make a ginger infusion and take that.
-The chances of success are less if you regularly take high doses of Vitamin C
-High amounts of Vitmain C can cause loose stools. No one I know has experienced this, but is has been known to happen.
-Do not use if you have kidney problems.
-Watch for signs of Toxicity Specific to Parsley: Nausea, hallucinations, vomiting, vertigo, hives, paralysis, liver swollen and
painful, urine scanty and darkly colored, and tremors.

I’ve often noticed that on the second night I start emanating heat. Seriously I feel like a space heater. This is ok, it’s just a side effect of the high doses of Vit. C and to me signifies that it worked and I will get my period soon (generally that night/next morning)

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE PENNYROYAL. IT IS DEADLY AND DANGEROUS. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, DO NOT DO NOT, DO NOT USE IT!!!

For more information, please see Angry for a Reason.

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